She

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By- Gabriela A. Tejada

An inner explosion only seen by her.

Surrounded by the silence and darkness of the pain you left her with.

Surrounded by millions, held together by their own gravity. Their plasma making them unique , but in the end  all the same. Bound together by helium and hydrogen, fused together by the generic views of the universe they are in. Ideologies and interpretations of subjective ideas, forced to be shut down by those stars that shine the brightest.

Self-centered and unable to relate to those in their galaxy.  –Me’s and I’s. Were all she heard as the pressure of her hidden feelings bound together. The frustrations and pain of a broken heart, unable to mend because of the lack of apathy instilled into them.

Very little was seen of her, you’d need a telescope to scope out her inner feelings. -Her Inner beauty- As the pressure of the overwhelming feelings she lived with grew larger and larger, so did her core, her heart. 

She wanted to be free, of the galaxy that suppressed her, of the pain of the unrequited love.

She wanted freedom of her pain.

Very slowly she let go, and with that her light illuminated brighter than any other in her galaxy. Others paled in her beautiful colors, hues of violets, and reds. Casting an image only ever imagined by astronomers.

She was free. No more apologizing for your mistakes of not appreciating her. No more worrying about being compared and mistreated by those who didn’t understand her light. The end to being hurt by hurt people. She was free.

A Supernova.

 

Night sky

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-By- Gabriela A. Tejada

She was lost in her thoughts tonight,

Consumed by the thoughts of him.

Outside the 88 constellations of a galaxy so beyond her reach made her feel small.

Her favorite constellation was Cassiopeia,

With her 5 stars, named after the goddess of vanity, she was beautiful.

Tonight you could see hurt. The world could see the pain in her eyes. The memories of him running circles as she tries hard to put a break to the visions of dying happiness.

She couldn’t enjoy the Moon tonight. Her anchor, her lover, The Moon. Hiding her emotions like the moon hides its dark side from the eyes of judgmental humans. But, tonight the pain was visible.

The thought’s of him driving her to the brink of insanity. During these nights she becomes a psychic, a mind reader. She assumed. Wondering and pondering of what was of his life.

Forgetting of the other side of him, She was dubbed the “forgetful one”, always painting a picture of blues, and yellows when she thought of him. Always forgetting the blacks and grey’s. The long nights filled with thunderous tears that lead to suicidal tendencies that no one knew about but God, the Moon, and him. Shes forgetful of the pain she endured but aware of the pain in her heart now.

Unapologetically Me

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By: Gabriela A. Tejada

I am unapologetically Gabriela.

I love the Moon, Stars and anything Astronomical. The Moon is my soulmate. I love late night walks where I wander mindlessly as I enjoy the Wind against my face, and the noises of the city around me.

I get excited over little things like getting sunflowers in the middle of winter, and heartfelt compliments that have nothing to do with the physical me but the inner me. Tell me that my poetic words, and beautiful soul excites you, that the way I speak about the Moon is so heartfelt that you have no choice but to also fall in love with her, and me.

I love with a passion only ever expressed in novels, only seen by very few. Until recently I never knew how loyal and beautiful my healing heart is, but it’s like nothing anyone has ever seen.

But, it’s a crime. Those who I give myself to can’t cherish the loyalty and rawness that comes with Gabriela. Love me for me or not at all.

I’m also the girl who wakes up and fights daily with her demons, who is working on herself, who is working to be her best self for herself.

I’m like a beautiful rose that as you slowly peel apart its inner vulnerabilities will show.

I’m beautiful spiritually, physically, mentally. I am also trilingual , I speak English, Spanish, and the beautiful words of poetry.

When I love you I will fight for you till no end. Appreciate me, love me, and realize that I am unapologetically me.

Unapologetically Gabriela A. Tejada.

My street

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by – Gabriela A. Tejada
 I look up at the stars and I dream of
 Warm summer nights filled with laughter, cold winter’s day filled with love
 I speak to the Moon about what she’s seen and the pain she’s endured, she winks back as I tell her of the pain I’ve lived through while she was gone and the Sun was up
I come back to Earth and look around at the trees and the streets that have watched me grow up and become who I’m becoming
 I turn in circles trying to capture it all while building new memories on the street around my home that has seen more tears and wet kisses than any man or woman can imagine
 I look up again feeling my heart pump with the pain of the memories I’m forced to relive and experience, I try hard to forget it all but they haunt me like unsaid words and unappreciated moments
 I turn to walk back home, giving the Moon a farewell kiss, taking a deep breath I look around to see who’s watching as I dry my tears and build my walls up
 Time to go back into my temporary reality.

The Magicians

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-Gabriela A. Tejada

Tonight she’s watching The Magicians.

She decided to stay home tonight, to immerse herself in the universe of Fillory, of Brakebills.

A Syfi show, with lessons about love and life that are so well embedded into this magical Novel, written by Lev Grossman. A book, based Television show that has left me thinking about my life.

Quinton Coldwater. The protagonist, with issues that can only be fathomed and understood by those who have gone through them. That can only be understood through the World and Adoration of Magic and Fillory.

A land imagined by a twisted man, but transformed into the home of many. The beast, a boy in a mans body suffering daily of the sinful acts pushed upon him from a young age.

Quentin Coldwater, In love with Alice. He loves her with a love that is so pure and heavenly, that you can feel it. It’s being emitted through the actor’s who play the book characters of these fictional people who in reality are alive. Alive in their world.

As I watch this I think of the pain I was put through, and the pain that he put her though. The ability he had to fight for Alice even after he felt he didn’t deserve her. After he destroyed her, and their trust.

  The difference with them both is that he fought, while the other  didn’t.

Magician’s, I remember that as a little boy you wanted to be one. I think we all dreamt of having the power of controlling the Elements, the Mind, the Universe. Spells, and potions, Mind Control,  Power.

As we got older the Universes cruel and wicked ways showed us the reality of life. Allowed us to feel unnecessary pain, and torment.

We become scared, the things we once worshiped and adored now sacrilegious.

Words unsaid, To her by him.

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​Consciously I let her go,subcontioualy it broke my soul,to lose the love of a women who treated me like gold.

 A rare stone, a flower, the most precious snowstorms on a desert in drought of her love. I lost her. I left her , I broke my own heart as she accepted the pain I put her through. I miss used her. 

Her kindness, her words, calming touch, beautiful soul. My soul was gone, gone with the wind of the words that i said underneath my breath. I said love you too, too late she was gone. Words i never got to say.

“You’re beautiful” I’d tell her, as I ground my Diamond into dust with my unreliable actions.

I lost the way she’d smile at me. She’d look at me like she lookes at her Moon. I lost a woman. My soulmate. I lost someone who fought for my worth, who fought for my life when I couldn’t. I lost my life line. I lost my girl, my wife, my life.

She’s gone with the wind, gone with my soul. She’s gone because i let her Go.

Words left unsaid.

Her Unknown(s)

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Borderline Personality Disorder.

Borderline.

The edge that she stands on, peaking over every day, looking over the edge of reality, insanity, stability, On the line. Every morning battling with being pushed off or brought back from the end of the road. A constant battle – Do I jump, do I let go?-  Or – Do I fight against the waves of confusion and disillusions of myself? –  Borderline.  Aren’t we always on the edge, always borderline?

Personality.

Ideologies of personalities. Most of  the time dictated by societies need to control every aspect of the being. What makes her she, doesn’t make you he, but rather us unique to eachother. The back and forth of the confusion of who she is. One moment she’s consumed by unrealistic thought of herself, dictated by the imbalance in her brain. The slideshow of unrealistic bodies, and needs that the world requires. Moods that are constantly changing and dictating your views of her. Oblivious to her needs to succeed, for acceptance, for your needs. She’s trying.  Personalities she doesn’t know of; Personalities she hasn’t met yet. Her personality(S)

Disorder.

A state of confusion. Stigmatized by all. Misunderstood by most, but placed onto many. Distress of the brains waves and abilities to receives even the minimalist of a compliment. Absurd ways in which she understands the word “beautiful ” The impulsive need to be alone, to explode, to explore every inch of humanities ability to accept that she is not okay but she is trying. Pushing aside, and ostracized by this “disorder” placed on her by a Phd clad persona, that knows nothing more about her, than the stranger that stares back at her every morning from her bathroom mirror.

Her. But not HER disorder.

-This one is for those battling to find the words.

F Train 

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By- Gabriela A. Tejada

Tonight she’s on the F train.

Surrounded by strangers.

Tired faces and smells she wouldn’t be able to describe.

Looking around at their faces she sees their story. The frustrations of everyday struggles and hustle, the rush to get to point Z from point A.

I look around and I find my reflection staring back at me.

She stares at herself from the tainted dirty train window. She stares,  Looking at the stranger looking back at her. Dirty F train window showing her the person that everyone sees. A shell of a girl that from the outside radiates and emits a force only ever experienced by those unbothered by the world.

Inside she’s living a storm.

A storm filled with fear, and uncertainty. Filled with the fluttering black butterflies that only ever stop when she sleeps. The problem is that the girl staring back at her doesn’t sleep. She takes the pills prescribed to her, given to her to function. Sleep. A foreign five letter word  that she hasn’t experienced in months. Months that she has tried to forget and never relive, but they hunt her. They haunt her like he does, like her demons do.

She stares.

She continues to stare but at this point she wasn’t looking at her reflection but rather  through it. Lost in the thoughts of the different him(s) in her life now. Each unique, but each not right. All consumed by their own demons and hurricanes.

She feels trapped. Trapped physically and figuratively. She wants to escape the restrains of her feelings and the F train.

She looks up, as the train conductors calls her stop. She prays that tonight she’s out. She needs her Moon tonight, the only constant in her world. She needs the guidance and protection that only her Moon can offer.

 

Growing up you want nothing more than to grow up, but then you’re 22 and responsible for not only your emotions, but those around you.  You feel lost. Not wanting to live with the thought of hurting others, but not being able to handle the pain placed on you by others. She wants a peace that only the Moon and galaxies can bring her.

She walks up the stairs and is hit with a gust of wind so strong and cold that she is brought back to the reality of what her life is at this moment.

Battling with battles that didn’t exist a day ago, battling herself and her options and opinions.

As her face and fingers go numb she finds peace. Peace in the numbness that is the brisk air of a post blizzard day at night.

Her soul is heavy with emotions she can’t describe, filled with thoughts she can’t explain, life filled with people she can’t let down.

Always putting others first and forgetting that in this world she needs to care about herself and her needs. She feels lost in her emotions as she finds it hard to breath in an oxygen filled world of suffocation. Waiting on her savior, waiting on her rescue ship of fake promises.

She’s her own savior.

All this time she was waiting on herself.

 

Impenetrable Pt1

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By- Gabriela Tejada

White shield of 12.

Caged around her as she protects her universe of danger.

Impenetrable by those trying to break the shield of ivory and red protecting her powers of purity. With the ability to capture you with valves, blind you with the hot blood that squirts out of her pulmonary arteries. She’s ready to protect her human, her universe from you.

Universe of innocence. veins flooded by the fairytales and folktales about this foreign, but yet venomous word called “Love”, Poison that protrudes from your tainted soul.
She thought you were her weakness. Your touch, misuses of poetic words, and affectionate pumps of reds and blues of the fluids of your brain and the black of your heart. She was wrong.

But you weren’t her Kryptonite.

Part 1 of 3

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“The world is divided into two categories: failures and unknowns.”- Francis Picabia

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-Gabriela Fun Facts!

Did you know that Francis Picabia was also a magnificent poet? He is not only one of the worlds most influential Avant-garde painter of the late 19th and 20th century ( and of all time). But, he is also one of my favorite poets ( We also share a Birthday! January 22nd).

 

 

 

 

Number 12

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By-Gabriela Tejada

12. Let him go because you deserve the world, the Sun , the Moon, and all of the stars in the Galaxy.

Let him go because he couldn’t love you like you deserved. He abused you, mistreated you, and left you for dead when he was done.

Drowning.

I wanted you to ground me, be my anchor and help guide me.

You were helping me sink. The anchor tide around my ankles as I slowly drifted to the bottom of the ocean.

I was Drowning in the pain left by your hand’s, your lips, and broken promises.

Disregarding my pleads and cries as I begged..Lord did I beg..

I begged for the life raft of Your love and affection.

All I hear now are unspoken words. The feel and touches of the unforsaken promises that were told to me by you. I fell for you and sadly haven’t gotten up since.

I know what I deserve now, and it’s not the crumbs you were throwing at me

but rather Pure Love, that type of love that will always fight for me and my worth.

Number 12. That’s what I deserve.

 

53 reasons why you should let them go.

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  1. They didn’t fight for you.
  2. They did’t care about you when you spent countless hours crying in bed over them.
  3. you weren’t their priority
  4. Let them go because you are better off alone then with someone who did nothing but break your heart over and over again.
  5. They forgot that you were human and also had a heart.
  6. They took advantage of your heart.
  7. They took advantage of you always being there. They assumed that you’d always be there when they felt ready to come back.
  8. They forgot that you were there when no one else was.
  9. Let them go because they are your first for a reason. First, but DEFINITELY not your last.
  10. Let them go because life is too short to cry over someone who doesn’t cry over you!
  11. They didn’t make you feel special anymore.
  12. You should let them go because you deserve the world, the Sun , the Moon, and all of the stars in the Galaxy.
  13. Because you deserve to wake up each day to a good morning  and a goodnight text.
  14. You should let them go because unless you reached out to them they didn’t bother to reach out to you.
  15. Let them go because they broke your trust.
  16. Let them go because you SLAY and they don’t. Find yourself someone who equally Slays at life.
  17. They broke your heart.
  18. Let them go because they aren’t the same person you fell in love with.
  19. Let them go because Love can only take you so far before you realize it’s not enough.
  20. Because you are a beautiful human being, that deserves to be worshiped like the sun and nothing less.
  21. Because you have an unimaginable amount of love to give, but only share that love with someone who deserves it.
  22. They  pushed you away and forgot what you meant to them.
  23. Let them go because your mental and physical health are the only things that matter
  24. Let them go and love yourself.
  25. Let them go so they can realize the diamond that they lost. So they can realize that you are one of a kind and no one else will appreciate and love all of them like you did.
  26. Let them go so you can win. So you can show them that yes, it hurt when they left but you Won. You are happy and you won.
  27. Let them go because you don’t deserve to be their second choice. Priority. Always.
  28. Let them go so you can spend more time doing more of what you love without worrying about them.
  29. Let them go because they let you go.
  30. Let them go because they don’t care about your day to day life anymore. You were once their priority, you once knew about their day, and worried about if they’ve eaten, and got home safe. Now they pushed you so far from their life that you have spent months without hearing from them.
  31. Let them go so you can find REAL LOVE.
  32. Let them go so you can find your REAL self
  33. Let them go so you can rekindle old friendships, and relationships.
  34. Let them go so you can make new meaningful relationships.
  35. Let them go because they forgot that you are beautiful, not only on the outside but the inside.
  36. Let them go so they can be free to realize that other people won’t love their annoying ways like you did.
  37. Let them go so you can finally enjoy life!
  38. Let them Go because deep down you knew he wasn’t the one.
  39. Let them go because you are holding on to the “potential” they had, not the person they are now.
  40. Let them go so that you can buy the cat or dog that they were “allergic” to.
  41. They stopped being your best friend.
  42. They hurt you.
  43. They messed up all you had together. They threw away all the work you both put into each other, and your relationship.
  44. All of your friends tell you you deserve better.( literally ALL of them)
  45. You don’t feel safe with them anymore.
  46. because it’s hurting you more to hold onto something that’s going nowhere.
  47. You’ve thought about breaking up with them throughout the relationship.
  48. You’re living in the past, more than you’re living in reality.
  49. The relationship is too broken to salvage.
  50. Let them go because” you’re a real one and know how to bounce back.”( Big sean. Bounce Back.)
  51. Let them go because you know they weren’t enough.
  52. Let them go for yourself.
  53. Stand up and go to your mirror, tell the person looking back at you that yea it hurts, but you deserve a love like no other, a love only imagined in romance novels. Let them go and love yourself first. Once you love yourself everything else will follow ❤

Love is beautiful. Don’t allow this person to ruin love for you. You are amazing and deserve the world. Never settle.